Mountain Climbing

This article contains a lot of pictures and may take a while to download if you have a wimpy modem and/or/xor crappy ISP. The article is probably not worth the download time. You have been warned.

We may have said this before, but we will redundantly repeat it anyway. We love to visit dreams. Recently, we visited a dream named "Dragon Mountain". We thought "Oh hey cool! Dragons! Let's go see dragons and stuff!" We were excited, to say the least.

Entering the dream, we were greeted with the friendly face of darkness. A giant Hollywood-esque sign informed us we were at Dragon Mountain. We noticed that the Edit Furre's kiwi army seemed to be just as interested in seeing dragons as we were. We stepped around them carefully, as to not get brutally slaughtered.

Climbing further up the mountain, we ran across some sort of weapon storage house. We decided it might not be a good idea to be here when the kiwi army caught up to us, so we moved quickly forward.

Further ahead, we thought we finally found a dragon. It was difficult to tell in the darkness. When we found out it was nothing but an ass and a bitch, we were so ticked off, that we didn't even warn them about the approaching kiwi army. Satisfaction came a little while later when we heard the blood-curdling screams.

We were slightly more pleased a little further on, when we found some sort of dragon nursery. Inside, we found real live dragon eggs. We took this picture of a magic book reading itself to a dragon egg while a pookie stood guard, just because we thought it was so darn cute. Yet, we still wanted to see a full grown dragon, so we moved on.

Killer kiwis are hungry little suckers. We carefully observed this one looking for a bite to eat. The bugges dared to try to deny the little thing access to the kitchen, but in the battle that ensued, much bugge blood was shed. The kiwi was heard screaming "You bloody bugger arses!! No pun intended!! Ahahaha!!" We can't show you pictures from the battle here. Perhaps you can find them on NightShade's site.

Eventually, we stumbled into what must be one of the dragon's houses. Unfortunately, nobody was home, so we just snooped around for a bit. Browsing through the CD collection on the desk, we noticed that the dragon that lives here has a taste for Pink Floyd, Depeche Mode and Eminem. We also took note that dragons do not seem to believe in bathrooms. It appears that they just use a pile of straw which they place at the end of the bed for easy access. Now, we can imagine Nikodemus and sanctimonious living like this (although we don't really want to), but Puff? We thought she had more class than that.

Perusing through another dragon home, we found that they also have a taste for art. A sign on the wall said "Tae Lives Here, Dammit!" There were some wonderful paintings on the wall. Two of them are shown in the picture above. The one on the left is labeled "Taken from Natalie" and the one on the right is labeled "Stolen from Youlanda". We enjoyed the art, then moved on in search of dragons.

This was a scary part of the journey. We have always noticed that Puff the Magic Dragon is quite fond of chasing rodents and flirting with them and nibbling them. Until we saw this, we thought it was just because she is horny (no pun intended (sorry for using two in one article)). But now we found the truth. Dragons actually hunt rodents and bring them back to Dragon Mountain. For what, we're not quite sure. Perhaps they are used for food, which explains Puff's nibbling. Or maybe they are used as sex slaves, which explains Puff's nibbling. Either way, we just wanted to hurry and get a picture of a dragon and get the hell out of this place.

When we got here, we knew we were getting warm -- OOF!! HEY! What's the big dea---

Ok, new writer here. I was getting sick of that guy's neverending puns. I'll wrap it up from here.

We eventually came across what looked to be a sacrificial area of some sort. Perhaps this is where the dragons cooked their sex slave food mice, we're not sure. We knew this wasn't a good place to stay. Plus we heard the kiwi army approaching, so we decided to haul ass and move along quickly.

Not too far from the big fire, we came across this graveyard looking thingy. We recognized the kiwi from the earlier bugge attack. The kiwis may be bloodthirsty ravenous murderers, but at least they are honorable and give their victims a proper burial. The kiwi was chanting "The bugger's been knackered! The bugger's been knackered!" We slipped by quietly.

After countless hours of mountain climbing, we finally found a dragon. Needless to say, we weren't impressed. We could go to Water City or Sanctuary and see one of these things. We thought we were going to see something special. This ticked us off more than anything. It was a lot of work to climb the mountain, and we were incredibly tired. Moral of the story? Never visit anyone's dream, because they can only disappoint you.

DISCLAIMER: Our moral is only a suggestion and cannot be used against us in any way.